Why is it ....?

I'm wondering why about something today. I know two men that have recently separated from their wives; one has the divorce final, the other will be final soon. Both families have children. Both women cheated, both women ignored their children for a while so that they could be with their "boyfriends." Then when it comes to getting the lawyers involved, the women cry foul: "he hit me, he abused me, he forced me to sleep with him, etc, etc." So the lousy lawyers believe the women, never bothering to check into past history. Is there a record of abuse with the police, with any hospitals, with anyone? They just believe the women & don't verify it. Both women are obviously not telling the truth. Why would they do that? Oh yeah, so that they can have custody of the kids, getting more money from the soon to be ex-husband. It all comes down to money. She wants more & won't change the way she has been living, won't cut back to make ends meet.

So who gets hurt? The kids, the dad who loves his kids more than anything and doesn't want the kids to see the mom setting a bad example.

With these two families, I have seen changes in the kids of one family, but don't really know the other kids as well. With the one family, I have seen the oldest, now a teenager, shut down & withdraw. It takes a lot to get this teenager to interact with the rest of the family (cousins, grandparents, aunts & uncles). This teenager spends more & more time on the cell phone, texting friends and more & more time on the computer. One of the siblings has become rude & obnoxious, ignoring adult instruction, questioning adult instruction, confronting adult instruction. This child also picks on the youngest sibling. The youngest sibling seems to have the same bubbly personality, but has gained a bunch of weight. I think due to the split living with mom and dad, there is not a set healthy menu. I think many meals are quick out of a box or from a fast food restaurant. There is also too much time just sitting around after school waiting for mom or dad to get home. Unhealthy eating & not enough activity will make anyone gain wait.

I don't understand why the moms fight for custody during the separation time only to end up leaving the kids with dad during part of their kid time. The kids end up being with dad more than 60-70% of the time, but the system won't look at that. The system, on paper, give the majority of custody to the mom, but in all reality, the real time spend with the kids shows that dad has the majority of the custody. Why does dad have the majority of the custody? Because the moms have boyfriends and a new life & doesn't want the kids around. If the most recent actions of the mom can show the truth, why doesn't the system look at that?

I've been told by one of these dads that his own attorney told him that the truth didn't matter since divorce court is called liers court. As he found out, whoever lies the most & cries the loudest gets the most. It's not fair, it's not right. But what can you do about it?

The only thing I know to do is pray for each of these dads. Pray for the dad who already is divorced, that the ex will get a clue that she has to curb her lifestyle. That she doesn't keep asking him to bail her out. They are divorced, why should he? Pray for the other dad that when they have the custody hearing next month, that the truth will be exposed and that he'll end up with custody. His soon to be ex wants full custody, not in the state where they currently live, but in the state where her parents live, about 3000 miles away.

In siding with the two dads, I do acknowledge that there are many, many more women who do get abused and are in horrible relationships with their husbands and yes, they should be helped. But in all situations, abused women or women just claiming abuse, there should be some sort of historical documentation that should be shown. A police report, a hospital exam, a restraining order, pictures of bruises, the women stayed with other family or went to a shelter for abused women. Something that shows true & honest abuse. Can't the lawyers perform due diligence & speak with family members, the kids, neighbors, co-workers to find out if there is a history of abuse, if there is no historical evidence to show? What if she is the one doing the hitting on the husband? What if he filed reports with the police, what if he took pictures of his bruises? Why is that not taken into account?

Please pray for these two men that in the long run the truth is totally exposed; that these two men will be winners in these divorces and not the losers.